Back In The D.H.S.S. cover

Back In The D.H.S.S.

Back In The D.H.S.S. cover


The title comes from that obscure Liverpool band, The Beatles, song Back in the USSR. The CD also contains tracks from the Trumpton Riots 7" and E.P. and the Dickie Davies Eyes 12".

Busy Little Market Town

[Instrumental] Not on the vinyl. The tune is based on that played in Trumpton, after the initial intro music, as the camera pans the market square (sort of).

God Gave Us Life

John the Baptist Jordan dipper, splashed Our Lord, head chopped off at Salome's behest.
Una Stubbs Actress, Alf Garnett's daughter (Rita), appeared as captain on "Give Us A Clue".
Little & Large Seriously unfunny comedy duo who once got Kevin Keegan to sing to millions. Bastards.
Keith Harris Mediocre ventriloquist, had a hit with "Orville's Song".
Wendy Craig Star of "Butterflies", Carla Lane abomination sitcom.
Thora Hird Actress and presenter of "Songs of Praise".
Mathew Kelly Presenter of "Game For A Laugh" Has moved on to other crimes against humanity.
Eartha Kitt Singer, also starred as Catwoman in the 60's spoof Batman series.
Isla St.Clair On The Generation Game with Larry Grayson, other things as well.
Lionel Blair Dancer. Led the opposing team to Una on "Give Us a Clue".
Live versions have a few other celebrities appearing, Ross King and Dani Behr being favourites.
Pontius Pilate Not JC's best mate.
Bobby Charlton Man U and England combover star of the 60's.
Gordon Jackson Late actor, starred in "Upstairs Downstairs" and "The Professionals".

Fuckin' 'Ell It's Fred Titmus

Lenor Fabric conditioner.
Fred Titmus England bowler and ex-England selector, slightly deficient in the toe department. Has played first class cricket in five decades (1949-82), probably unique, post-war.
Dracula Gary Oldman, I think.
Transylvania Gary's locale in L.A. Or perhaps it's in Romania….
Stevie Nicks Singer with Fleetwood Mac.


Title takes piss from David Essex's Nightclubbing.
Haliborange Fish oil and orange vitamin pills.

99% Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob Todd

The song gets a mention in "Funny Peculiar - The True Story of Benny Hill" by Mark Lewisohn.
Jesus Christ Right arm, over the wicket.
Bob Todd One of the two ugly blokes on the "Benny Hill Show", the one who didn't receive punishment.
James Dean, Marilyn Monroe Hollywood actor/actress of shortened lifespans.
Jimmy Clitheroe comedian, perennial naughty-schoolboy, died on teh day of his mother's cremation.
"If you've ever wondered how you get triangles from a cow" refers to the Dairylea soft cheese adverts. Pedantic note: they aren't even triangles.
Fiorucci Expensive and once trendy brand of Italian clothing.
Krona Unilever's idea of a replacement for butter and margarine. Remember those 'Danish margarine history' ads from years back? They were all a lie, Krona was first launched in Germany, apparently.
John [Noakes], Lesley Judd "Blue Peter" kids TV program presenters of 70's. Lesley Judd also did Whiskas adverts.
Whiskas was the name of the Blue Peter cat, as well as being a brand of cat food. "8 out of 10 owners who expressed a preference chose Whiskas..." Like, the owners ate Whiskas too?

Time Flies By (When You're The Driver Of A Train)

Based on the Chigley song of the same name. The opening notes are the theme tune to Camberwick Green; the subsequent 'bugle' (i.e. immediately before "Let it happen, bass player") bit is that played by Mr Bugle-player at Pippin fort - "Calling A, calling B, calling all in company".
Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble and Grubb The Trumpton fire brigade.
Camberwick Camberwick Green. See Trumpton Riots.
"Careful with that spliff, Eugene" Pink Floyd reference.
Chigley Third kiddies animated series. Also see Trumpton Riots.

I Hate Nerys Hughes

Nerys Hughes "Star" of The Liver Birds and The District Nurse.
St. Vitus St. Vitus Dance is a disease where the sufferer shakes and so seem to dance.
Social, Supplementary The Dept. of Health and Social Security, Supplementary Benefit - dosh given by the DHSS to unemployed people without sufficient National Insurance contributions. Then renamed Income Support, and now lumped with Unemployment Benefit into Jobseeker's Allowance.
Bath Spa town - was in the now defunct county of Avon. Now resides in the informatively named district of Bath and North-East Somerset. The beautiful healthy bath water of Spa isn't bad either.

The Len Ganley Stance

Len Ganley Snooker referee.
Crucible Sheffield theatre, home to annual World Snooker Championships (presented by David Vine, of course).
Locomotion, Mashed Potato 60's dances based on single songs.
Andy Warhol Pop artist & mate of the Velvet Underground.

Venus In Flares

Title refers to "Venus in Furs" by The Velvet Underground.
"A million housewives..." Reference to old Heinz beans advert.
Portrait in the snow Some people allege that viewed from an aeroplane, you can see Christ's face when looking down on the Alps, hence, I can see ...
Robert Powell Actor who played the title role in Jesus of Nazareth; also attempts comedy with Jasper Carrott.
Kojak Telly detective, Telly Savalas.
C&A Chain of clothes shops.
"The Grand Old Duke of York..." Nursery rhyme.
George Well, George Savalas was Telly's brother (he appeared in Kojak too). Not sure it's him they're referring to, though.

I Love You Because (You Look Like Jim Reeves)

"I Love You Because" was a 1964 hit for the aforementioned Mr. Reeves (a US crooner from the 60's). It was in the charts for 39 weeks!
Peggy Mount Now a dame, actress. Not a babe.
Arctic Roll 89p from Sainsbury's.
Skidoo A C5 on skis.
Shake'n'Vac A carpet cleaner (shake it on, vacuum it off). The TV ad had an infectious song, complete with dance ("Do the Shake'n'Vac and put the freshness back..."). Frank Sidebottom has covered it in "Firm Favourite Ads".
Llandudno North Wales town where people go to die.
Tony Bastable Presenter of ITV's Magpie, and also "Merry Go Round", with Mavis Nicholson (it was on after Crown Court on Fridays, I'm told). He should've been sent down for that.

Reflections In A Flat

Echo & The Bunnymen Liverpool band of late 70's early 80's, reformed in 1997.
Ali Bongo Conjuror/comic. Apparently directly descended from William Wallace (Ali's real name too?) of Braveheart and Stirling monument fame. Has from time to time had his own show, but basically acts as "magical advisor" to the likes of Paul Daniels, and formerly to...
David Nixon Another prestidigitator, and now dead. Looked very much like FW de Klerk.
Marks & Spencers Middle class clothes and food chain of shops. Where everyone buys their undies.
Lech Walesa Former Polish President, having risen from a trades unionist in the shipyards of Gdansk.

The rest of these are on the tape and CD but not the vinyl (they are b-sides etc. from singles).

I Left My Heart In Papworth General

On the 12" of "Dickie Davies Eyes" originally.

Title a parody of "I Left My Heart In San Francisco" by 60's crooner Tony Bennett.
Papworth General First heart transplant operation (in UK?).
Stoke Mandeville Hospital, famous for Jimmy Saville's appearances, specializes in spinal injuries.
Precious McKenzie Commonwealth & Olympic weightlifter, whose surname may actually be spelt Mackenzie.
[Valerie] Singleton Blue Peter presenter.
Bilko Telly sergeant, comedian.
Mr IQ/Albino Jimmy Saville references.
Jimmy Saville Ex-DJ, Mr Fix-It and lots of jewelry, smokes cigars.

The order of the listing on the CD is wrong from here on... this is the real order.

Trumpton Riots line drawing

Architecture And Morality, Ted And Alice

Off of the "Trumpton Riots" EP.
Architecture & Morality is an LP by OMD, the Wirral (Hoylake/West Kirby) synth band who made it big singing about dead French women and planes. Oh, and Andy McCluskey's superb "bass-dancing".
Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice very lame 60's sex comedy.
Hannu Mikkula Finnish rally driver.
Miriam Stoppard TV presenter, professionally concerned. Now the ex-wife of the playwright Tom, she usually appears on TV programs like "Menopause -- It's Dead Good Really" and "Tales of the Gratuitously Gynaecological". Horrible.
Jane Scott top-drawer introduction agency.
Diana Princess of Wales.
"I walked across the road..." This is a reference to those try and scare the shit out of small children adverts about road safety - or were they aimed at drivers?
"the teacher with the beard and the polio" refers to Ian Dury, who was a tutor at the Canterbury School of Art in the early 1970s, and a disciple of Pop Art's Peter Blake (he of the Sgt Pepper album cover). He had a daft beard back then that with his national health glasses made him look like a cubist version of Rolf Harris.
Radio Da Da DaDa - avante garde (i.e., crap) German art movement, Bauhaus etc, and Radio Gaga was a hit by Queen.

Albert Hammond Bootleg

Also on "Trumpton Riots" EP originally.
Albert Hammond Gibraltarian Singer/songwriter from the 70's, can be blamed for Cher and Michael Bolton. He did commit other crimes against humanity - the greatest of which must surely be his co-authorship of Starship's "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now". Not that he contented himself with inflicting his songs on the world via third parties. Oh no, back in the early '70s the bugger actually went and did it himself with a song called "Free Electric Band" which proudly proclaimed ...I gave it up for music/And the Free Electric Band (he needn't have bothered).
Stanley Rous (not Rouse) Former chairman of the English FA.
18-30 Package holiday for young people to go to Southern Europe and drink and shag a lot. Being a bit dim probably helped to fit in with the crowd. I think the original 18-30 itself went bust, but there are a host of imitators, and there's certainly a new 90's version of the self-same company going now (at least there was in Gran Canaria late in '96). Ads went something like "Wake up at the crack of dawn...and Sharon, and Debbie...". At least until the ITC got hold of them…
Marseille French city on the Riviera.
DC10 McDonnell Douglas jet airliner. A few years ago, their engines had a nasty habit of falling off.
Robin Askwith Sitcom actor and star of British 'sex' films "Confessions of a ..." and the amazing 'comedy' series Bottle Boys. Recently (1997) popped up as a speedway star in EastEnders.
Logie Baird Inventor of TV, and probably a pun on Yogi Bear.
Petrified Forest Oft-remade western. Also fossilized trees.

1966 And All That

Yep, this was on "Trumpton Riots" as well. A live version is on "No Regrets".
Title parodies "1066 And All That", classic comedy version of pre-WW1 British history by Sellars and Yeatman.
Ferenc Puskas Hungarian footballer in the 50's
Lev Yashin USSR Goalie of 50's/60's
George Farm Blackpool's goalkeeper in the 1950's, playing in 3 FA Cup Finals for them.
Some other names...
Stanley Mortensen Blackpool footballer of the 50's
Tangerine wizard Tangerine is the colour of the Blackpool strip, though who exactly the "Tangerine Wizard" is is open to debate. Different people have suggested different Blackpudlians (sorry if you're one of them, but we've had a few contradictions here and are not in a position to judge who's correct), Sir Stanley Matthews and George Farm (would a goalie really be referred to thus?) amongst them.

Trumpton Riots EP cover

The Trumpton Riots

Starts with dirge-like school hymn favourite (almost) "He Who Would Valiant Be", which also inspired a later song.
Trumpton County town.
"Elevate!" The fire brigade were called into action in every episode of Trumpton, but never to put out a fire; usually it was to rescue the Mayor's hat or do some roofing repairs. Whatever it was, it was always high up, and one of the crew always had to be raised up on the ladder (after Cpt Flack, surely ex-services, had issued the order, of course).
Chigley Light industrial town.
Stars of Trumpton, Chigley, Camberwick Green...
Cpt Flack Chief fireman. I thought they were called things like Assistant Divisional Officer, but Chigley/Trumpton is clearly more militaristic.
PC McGarry agent of fascist oppression. Number 452, for what it's worth.
Cpt Snort CO of Pippin Fort, a military academy. The "boys from the fort" (the trainees soldiers) were always excellent at turning out for parade, and then being instantly distracted by the postman.
Mrs Honeyman Think Mrs Mangel in Neighbours or Dot Cotton in EastEnders then multiply by ten. She always seemed to be carrying a baby, and her main aim in life was to leave the busiest person in Trumpton holding the baby while she gabbled away.
Cant conformism since 1966 Brian Cant was the narrator of Trumpton, etc.; 1966 was the year of their inception. Brian (what a) Cant is apparently still coining it in to the tune of 14 grand a year in royalties.
Dr Mopp Pissheaded medic.
Chippy Minton Carpenter. And probably socialist.
The Mayor Agent of fascist oppression.
Windy Miller Anarchosyndicalist windmill operative, still corn grinding in spite of the mechanised mill down the road. Also a demon on the home-brewed cider. His windmill is the most dangerous building in history - the blades take you out as you enter/leave the mill. Not sure who his "Basque-like corngrinders" were, since he tended to operate single-handedly. Windy militant is obviously a play on his name.
Basque-like corngrinders There are a bunch of notorious terrorists (ETA, Basque separatists) from the Basque region in Northern Spain, fighting for independence.

Trumpton Riots 7" cover

All I Want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Kit

This version is from the b-side of the Trumpton Riots 7" single.
Title like "All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth" by Dora Bryan.
Dukla Prague Czech footy side, went bankrupt, re-emerged in the lower divisions, got promoted back to the First Division, then renamed to Marila Pribram. They play in maroon and gold. The name Dukla recalls a World War Two battle at Dukla Pass in Slovakia, where Czechoslovak and Soviet troops defeated occupying Nazi forces in 1945.
Scalextric Kiddies 1/32 scale slot car racing system.
Subbuteo Kiddies football game with plastic figures, flick the figures to move them and hit the ball. There are also about a million different accessories for the game, to drain doting parents of their every last cent. These crop up throughout the song. No mention of how a stray foot has a tendency to wipe out half of the team, though.
Giro State benefit cheque. Not a flying machine.

Return to the Half Man Half Biscuit Home Page.