CSI:Ambleside front cover


CSI:Ambleside back cover

The title is obviously a parody of the spin-offs of the US TV series CSI (Crime Scene Investigation), CSI:Miami and CSI:NY.

The producer's name, R.M. Qualtrough, is a key mystery figure in the trial and appeal of William Herbert Wallace, who was convicted and subsequently freed on appeal for his wife's murder in Liverpool in 1931 (thanks to Chris Burke for spotting this).

CSI:Ambleside inner sleeve CSI:Ambleside inner sleeve

Evening Of Swing (Has Been Cancelled)

Glyder Fach, Glyder Fawr mountains in Snowdonia.
Gielgud theatre in London's West End that used to be The Globe, renamed after Sir John in 1994 when Sam Wanamaker reconstructed Shakespeare's Globe Theatore on the South Bank.
Equus 1973 play by Peter Shaffer telling the story of a psychiatrist who attempts to treat a young man who has a pathological religious/sexual fascination with horses, recently returning the public eye when Harry Potter and Vernon Dursley appeared in it.
On The Buses early 70's ITV sitcom starring Reg Varney (driver Stan Butler) and Stephen Lewis (inspector Cyril Blake).
Mister Ed US talking horse sitcom from the early 60's .
Henman Hill the Wimbledon mound named after plucky Tim.
Ezekiel biblical prophet.
Dan Brown Da Vinci Code author.

Bad Losers On Yahoo Chess

Deep Blue IBM chess computer built to beat Garry Kasparov. It succeeded at the second attempt, and was accused of cheating.
Sports Personality of the Year The BBC award show that has nothing to do with personality. There's an overseas award for Johnny Foreigner.
Cetshwayo king of the Zulu nation 1872-79 and their leader during the Anglo-Zulu War.
Rorke's Drift battle in the above war in 1879, where Stanley Baker, Michael Caine, landlord Dave from the Winchester and not many others defended a mission station against several thousand Zulu warriors.
Ernie Shackleton Anglo-Irish polar explorer.

Took Problem Chimp To Ideal Home Show

Ideal Home Show 'Improve - Don't Move'. Avoid Earls Court in March and April.
Darwinism transmutation of the species.
Tetris, GameBoy go and play football in the park instead.
Sottsass Ettore, Innsbruck-born Italian architect and designer who died a year or so ago. Came up with the red Valentine portable typewriter for Olivetti.
Llewelyn-Bowen Laurence, dandyesque Welsh interior designer and host of Changing Rooms.
Two Carols Smillie and Vordermann, Changing Rooms and Better Homes.
Kempes Mario, Argentinian striker of the '70s and 80's (actually he kept going until 1996).
Lord Of The Dance Michael Flatley's Irish production after Riverdance.

Ode To Joyce

Tebay village in Cumbria, with a motorway (M6) service station.
Ronnie Boyce West Ham footballer from the 60's and early 70's, scored the winner in the 1964 FA Cup final. Joined the coaching staff after his playing career finished, later became chief scout at Tottenham Hotspur.
Laudanum tincture of opium.

Blue Badge Abuser

Blue Badge car parking scheme for the disabled.

Totnes Bickering Fair

Totnes a market town at the head of the estuary of the River Dart in Devon.
Goldman Albert, at a guess, American author of controversial biographies of Lenny Bruce, Elvis Presley and John Lennon.
Vashti Bunyan English singer-songwriter, disappeared from view in around 1970, reappeared recently.

King Of Hi-Vis

Hi-Vis high visibility jacket.
St John ambulance, a number of affiliated organizations dedicated to the teaching and prractice of medical first aid and the provision of ambulance services.
Triple A Access All Areas.
Wimbledon tennis.
WOMAD World Of Music, Arts and Dance, founded by Peter Gabriel, amongst others, and known for their festivals.
Ryder Cup golf tournament held biennially between Europe and the United States.
V festival.

Lord Hereford's Knob

The song shares its meter (and almost) its first line) with "As I Walked Out One Evening" by W.H. Auden.
Lord Hereford's Knob, otherwise known as Twmpa, is one of the northern flanks of the Black Mountains in south-east Wales near the English border (about 5 miles from Hay).
Hebden Bridge is a market town in the Upper Calder Valley in West Yorkshire.
Pennine Ridge The Pennines are the 'backbone of England', a low-rising moutain range stretching from the Peak District in Derbyshire up to the Cheviot Hills on the Scottish border.
Three Cocks otherwise known as Aberllynfi, is a village not far from Twmpa.
Pen-y-Ghent A mountain in the Yorkshire Dales, one of the Yorkshire Three Peaks.
Brokeback Mountain 2005 American romantic drama starring Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal.
Benny Hill English comedian/actor/singer of the 'old school'.
Severn The longest river in Great Britain, rising in the Cambrian Mountains in mid-Wales and dischanrging into the Bristol Channel.
Keeping Two Chevrons Apart, You're The Reason Why Paradise Lost Self-reference takes a bow.

On The 'Roids

'Roids being steroids of course.

Petty Sessions

Dial-A-Pizza fast food takeaway.
Facebook, YouTube social networking and videos.
Chad landlocked republic in central Africa.
Barmy Army the Englad cricket team's noisier fans.

Little In The Way Of Sunshine

Shawshank Redemption 1994 American prison drama staring Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman, which continually pops up in those 'greatest films of all time' lists.
HMV His Master's Voice, was a large record label, now a chain of shops, seemingly in decline.
Weimaraner dog originally bred for hunting.
Shorthorn breed of cattle, can be Beef or Dairy.
Leominster market town in Herefordshire.
The Scream paintings (1895-1910) by Norwegian artist Edvard Munch, which often seem to get nicked these days.
Robson Green northern English actor, should have been shot for the awful Unchained Melody duet with Jerome Flynn (from Soldier Soldier), redeemed himself in Wire In The Blood. Not sure about the extreme fishing, though.
Newfoundland Canadian province (now Newfoundland and Labrador).
Poundland British 'variety store' chain that sell everything for a pound.

Give Us Bubblewrap

Edward the First Longshanks (he was a tall lad), king of England 1272-1307. Defeated Simon de Montfort at the Battle of Evesham, crusaded a bit, subjected Wales to English rule, started the war with Scotland, nicked the Stone of Destiny, executed William Wallace, tomb enscribed 'Hammer of the Scots'.
Apple Mac range of personal computers from Apple from 1984 onwards.
Bede venerable northern monk, author and scholar, c673-735, generally known as the 'father of English history' after his most famous work, Historia ecclesiastica gentis Anglorum (The Ecclesiastical History of the English People).
Baccarat casino card game.
Thelwall village in Warrington, North Cheshire.
Brig o' Doon late medieval bridge that appears as the setting for the final verse in Robert Burns's Tam o' Shanter.
Brigadoon musical by Lerner and Loewe, about a Scottish village that appears for only one day every hundred years, though each century only lasts a night for the villagers. No-one from Brigadoon may ever leave...enter the American tourists...

National Shite Day

Spindrift fine snow blown off by the wind.
Stockard Channing American actress, appeared in Grease and The West Wing.
Boots leading pharmacy chain in the UK.
Millets the UK's largest travel and outdoor retailer, part of Blacks Leisure Group, based in Northampton.
Mugabe Robert, president of Zimbabwe and not a favourite of the white minority there.
Calcutta Railways UNICEF reckon there are over 11 million runaway children in India, a large number of them travelling on the extensive Indian railway network.
Primark Irish clothing retailer at the budget end of the market. Their largest store is in Liverpool.
Marsh Fritillary butterfly in rapid decline in Europe.
Dee Estuary the boundary between the Wirral Peninsula and Flintshire.
Phil Cool English comedian and 'facial impressionist', often seen with Jasper Carrott.
Sanderling a small plump sandpiper, a long-distance migratory wading bird from the Arctic.

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