Julie from the mailing list brings you a quiz to pass the time...
Whit Week Malarkey (almost)
1. Your female boss continues to treat you like a lackey. In her leather swivel chair, she turns her back on you and leaves you in the out tray. What do you do?
a) See the chief executive, fresh from Reykjavik
b) Get on board the enterprise allowance where you can do whatever you like
c) Put a tennis racquet up against your face and pretend that you are Kendo Nagasaki.
2. Your girlfriend’s finished with you. Do you:
a) Get Telly Savalas to start an Oi! revival down Whitechapel way
b) Say once again, that ‘I’ll stand next to you at the altar’.
c) Take a Haliborange overdose
3. You’re stuck in a bottleneck at Capel Curig whilst travelling to your holiday destination in Wales. Do you:
a) Wash away your sins
b) Think that it’s a long, long lane and it got no end.
c) Keep saying "Dad are we nearly there yet?"
4. You’ve sold your Berghaus and taken a year out. Where do you go?
a) Cuba
b) Goa
c) Dorset
5. You’ve been invited to a ‘secret gig’. Who are you hoping to see ?
a) Sting singing on the roof of the Barbican
b) Annie Lennox
c) Evan Dando and his sister Suzanne
6) You’re at the match. It’s Friday night and the gates are low and it’s raining. Do you start chanting:
a) Papal entourage give us a song.
b) You’re going home in a Crispy Ambulance
c) Are you supposed to be at home.
7). Out cycling, you dismount at the roadside to lubricate your chain. From then on in:
a) It’s Sturmey Archer Campagnola !
b) Your brakes fail in the rain, down memory lane
c) Say "Let’s go the Met Bar and cause an altercation".
8) Four skinny indie kids are drinking weak lager in a Camden boozer. What have they got:
a) Pub grub
b) Stickers on guitars and a tape for Steve Lamacque
c) Fellow cellar hoppers
9) You’ve blown your giro on debts and essentials. What do you do ?
a) Ask for water
b) 20 minutes of mantra filled Oompah.
c) Sainsbury’s Security
10) Your library books are nine weeks overdue. How come?
a) There was an outbreak of Vitus Geralaitus in the town.
b) You were doing the Shake ‘n’ Vac and broke your fuckin’ back.
c) You got mugged in Florida.
11) You’ve bought a lilo. Where do you take it
a) The Dee at Chester
b) The Sea of Alright
c) Floating on The Dead Sea
12) Your old friend Graham has died. What were his last words to you before he passed away?
a) See that my bike’s kept clean.
b) Fear My Wraith
c) Dead men don’t need season tickets.
13) If ever an album title was in dire need of an exclamation mark it’s;
a) Duckstab
b) Cheaptrick Live at the Budakan
c) Frampton Comes Alive
14) In bed again, you can’t be bothered getting up. Do you:
a) Dream of a thousand fanzine mentions
b) Dream of a thousand sandy coloured clowns
c) Swing the lead again
15) On reaching the Wensum, you decide to :
a) Sabotage the hot pot supper
b) Wave at astonished rustics
c) Organise a frisbee competition
16) You’ve been likened to Leadbelly at The Depot. This is probably because:
a) You gone and got national acclaim
b) You passed into folklore
c) You work in an all night garage
17) You used to hate school. In the corridors of fear you would shed a lonely tear. What else?
a) That’s when you first got into the Manics
b) They mocked you in your mocks
c) There was one in the gang who had Scalextric
18) The lady in red, hides under the bed. Who from?
a) The king of Welsh goth.
b) The husband who quotes Chubby Brown
c) Eamon Holmes
19) You’re on an easy Par 4 within earshot of what?
a) Prag Vec at the Melk Veg
b) Kalaidescope
c) Your revolutionary fold away drums.
20)What were you doing during the Trumpton riots?
a) A black belt in no can do.
b) Bursting bean bags & smoking French fags.
c) Assembling the boys from the fort.