HMHB News Archive
January - June 2000
Tranmere's resurgent oblique wags continue their cottage industry.
Like The Fall, Private Eye and Chris Morris, Half Man Half Biscuit are fast becoming an alternative national treasure in their role as deflators of pomposity. Their milieu is pop culture which they are both steeped in and scornful of. Emerging From Gorse finds them defending their musical tastes against attacks by a erudite younger sister just returned from a nights clubbing : "She sneered 'this windy minimalism recalls Labradford's isolationist period'." The Ballad of Climie Fischer posits an acrimonious post-fame history for the 80's due in which one becomes an entertainer and the other big in wholesale gravel. Fabulous stuff whose iconoclastic nature is hinted at in the sleeve notes comment that the "The Brodsky Quartet are on holiday".
Three Stars
Stuart Maconie
Cheers to Stuart Taylor (resident Q reader) for that.
PAGE 1
Vreni Schneider - you're my downhill lady!/Vreni Schneider - you're the queen of the slopes! ('Hello viewers!')
This month's P4 is brought to you by our 'retail partner', the fantastic new album "Trouble Over Bridgwater" by Half Man Half Biscuit.
Is that our phone ringing, or is it on the telly?
PAGE 2
The album opens with a splendid fast-paced singalong number called Irk The Purists, making a plea for open-minded appreciation of pop songs no matter how 'cool', or otherwise, the artist is.
(So, the Playstation 2 finally has an official UK launch date - October 26.)
The second track, Uffington Wassail, is even better, a collection of non-sequiteur observational-humour lines and random attacks on TV personalities, set to a tune reminiscent of the HMHB classic Trumpton Riots.
PAGE 3
The band's mastery of different musical styles is demonstrated on Nove On The Sly, an accomplished hardcore trance techno track over which singer Nigel recites, amongst other things, his shopping list.
(It's interesting that the US price of $299 has been announced, but not the UK one, even though the release dates are the same for the two territories.)
The song's subtext is that even the most 'hardcore' bands probably listen to Radio 2 when no-one's watching them.
PAGE 4
The album then takes a bit of a surreal turn, first with The Ballad Of Climie Fisher, a fanciful tale about the subsequent careers of the members of the rubbish 80s duo.
(Sony may well be waiting to see how far the price of the DC comes down here. Whatever happens, the most likely price for the PS2 is probably £249.)
The there's a disturbing story of a man haunted everywhere he goes by people who look exactly like BBC sports commentator Tony Gubba. Spooky.
PAGE 5
Towards the middle part of the album, the band return to some favourite themes, namely football and goths, in tracks entitled Mathematically Safe and With Goth On Our Side.
(Sony would almost certainly lose money on each PS2 sold at that price, but it could well be worth it to them to bury the struggling Sega once and for all.)
The ninth track, Used To Be In Evil Gazebo, also touches on a recurring idea, the cynical relationship between pop bands and the music press.
PAGE 6
The album's most surprising moment comes in the shape of It's Cliched To Be Cynical At Christmas, a self-explanatory title for a track couched in pealing church bells, swooning strings and children's choirs.
(If the price is as high as £299, expect a cut to £249 before Christmas, though that would be a risky strategy.)
Unusually for the Biscuits, the song has no apparent punchline, and is simply a beautiful and sincere tune a bit like Stay Another Day by East 17.
PAGE 7
Fans of the band's trademark black humour will be reassured by the very next track, though, Visitor For Mr. Edmonds, which is simply a minute-long recording of a hospital's heart monitor slowing to a steady flatline tone.
(Sony won't want to make the same mistake Nintendo did with the N64.)
Though it isn't explicitly stated anywhere, it's probably about the faded career of beardy git Noel Edmonds, of whom the band have a well-documented hatred. And hey, who doesn't?
PAGE 8
The album ends strongly with four superb tracks in a row, from the travelogue-as-metaphor of Bottleneck At Capel Curig to the funny diatribe of Twenty Four Hour Garage People.
(However, if stocks of PS2 are still scarce, Sony may actually go for the higher price purely in order to avoid the bad press of shortages.)
All in all, Trouble Over Bridgwater is the band's best album since the seminal Back Again In The DHSS, all the way back in 1985. Go and buy it!!!
PAGE 9 I hope, viewers, that you've enjoyed this little trip into the online, ad-funded future of the games press.
(After all, every man has his price. It just turns out that mine was £11.99.)
And hey, you can't complain, can you? Because Digitiser is free, isn't it?
So don't you worry your little heads about anything. Just trust us. Give us your money. Shh, now. No questions.
Stay asleep.
"With daft punky songs like I hate Nerys Hughes, the Bonzo Dog Doo - Dah Band of the '80s proved for once that the phrase 'scouse wit' isn't an oxymoron. Refused to go on the Tube because they wanted to see Tranmere Rovers."
Other artists included The Wurzels, John Otway, Noel Coward, The Fall and
XTC. Cheers to Stuart Taylor for that.
"In the year 2525, when we are all comatose lifestyle consumers living in Matrix-style pods, Nigel Blackwell's anti-fashion evergreens will finally be hailed as the treasure trove of acid social commentary and minutely observed pop-culture detail they truly are. Meanwhile, the Wirral quartet's eighth album in 15 years is yet another lucky dip of pop parodies and surreal diatribes about music, football, music, crap Welsh towns and music.
Despite the wilfully amateurish air, the pop references remain needle sharp, from Climie Fisher to Labradford, Cradle Of Filth to Placebo. Blackwell even stages a painfully accurate NME interview with himself as a pseudo-angsty indie star in 'Used To Be In Evil Gazebo'. More importantly, he remains the absurdist poet laureate of uncool Britannia, paying grumpily affectionate homage to a mundane Middle England of garden centres and borough surveyors, Scotch eggs and Marmite. Like Lennon on a low heat or Mark E Smith with the disgust throttle turned down, he specialises in pinpoint deflation of shallow social trends: "Cuba's the new Iceland... Neil Morrissey's a knobhead". Correct on both counts.
I'll wager Blackwell has an unpublished novel or two lurking under his bed,
but these sardonic short stories will do just fine for now. Not limp, just
Biscuit. 7/10"
"A previous interview with Nigel in the Echo - in about mid '98 - was accompanied by a picture of the Four Lads sleeve, due to Nigel's ongoing reluctance to have his pic taken. We discussed that again before this interview. He suggested we use a pic of 'anybody' as my colleagues would be none-the-wiser. I said many Echo readers would spot that we had used Joe Bloggs instead of Nigel Blackwell - not least Wirral-based friends of Nigel's, including Jegsy Dodd and Kevin Sampson. The phone would never stop.
A Geoff Davies idea to take a picture of Nigel reading an Echo - the Echo held in front of his face - was rejected, after due consideration, by both me and Nigel.
A review of the Biscuits at the Liverpool Krazy House in '98 which appeared in the Echo's sister paper, the Daily Post, likened Nigel's (then) appearance to Jaap Stam and Nigel told me that kids in his street shout out 'Alright Jaap?' when he goes to buy his Echo in the evening. He suggested we use a pic of Jaap to go with the Bridgwater sleeve for the article - or a pic of Fulham midfielder Kevin Ball. We went for the sleeve and Stam ...
Doesn't he look like... (pic of Jaap Stam in action for Man U)
THOUSANDS of wannabe pop stars would sell their own granny (and throw in grandad) for one column-inch of publicity.
But, should they perish in a freak road accident on their way home from one of their almost secret gigs, this band's collective tombstone would probably read: "Here lie Half Man Half Biscuit. They couldn't be bothered."
If life was a little less complicated, word and tunesmith Nigel Blackwell would be hailed as one of the great comic writers of this and the last century.
But that would be a nightmare for the man himself.
"Anonymity is everything," says the bard of Birkenhead, whose manager, Geoff Davies, has the unenviable task of promoting their new CD, Trouble Over Bridgwater.
Following a rare sighting on a Liverpool stage 18 months ago, one reviewer likened Nigel to Manchester United superstar Jaap Stam (appearance, not footballing ability) and the singer says today: "When I go and get my Echo the kids in the street shout 'Alright Jaap?'"
A photograph of Nigel is, as usual, out of the question - but take a good look at Stam and you'll get the picture.
Quality of life and the freedom to do what the hell he likes, rather than over-exposure and a bulging bank account is what is important to the singer: "What I cling to is to be able to wake up most days and think 'What should I do today?' "
The attraction with any Biscuits CD begins with the title and Nigel says: "I was thinking of calling it 'Merseyrail Stinks of ****' after graffiti spotted at Leasowe Station. I loved the nightly Merseyrail bulletins you ran in the Echo, but they should have been used bigger."
Bridgwater is, naturally, an album crammed with witty one-liners, savage put-downs (Neil Morrissey, you have been warned) and ridiculously-compelling flights of fancy (The Ballad of Climie Fisher and Twenty Four Hour Garage People).
Gubba Look-a-Likes is a nightmare vision of a world over-run by commentator clones, with Nigel explaining: "Gubba's blandness interests me."
What will interest Nigel-watchers is how on earth he ended up in the recent edition of lads' mag Loaded.
He says: "I only did it because it's so untrendy these days and no-one seems to read it. I also like the writer, Johnny Cigarettes.
"But I've always wondered why the people who buy Loaded and FHM don't go the whole hog and buy Fiesta or Razzle instead."
Half Man Half Biscuit play irregular (VERY irregular) gigs all over the country, but their last Liverpool gig was their first in six years. Any chance of going mad and playing another one soon?
"We've no plans to, but I'm not averse to it. It's just that thing about everyone I know coming to see us, because I'm not a natural performer. It's not that it fills me with dread, it's just that I can't really be bothered with it."
Nigel Blackwell. He may not be bothered, but he's still a genius.
There's also a number of quotes not used in the article, due to space restrictions. Paddy in bold capitals, Nigel in quotes:
NO NAMES, NO PIX ON CD - AS USUAL. DISCUSS...
"We don't think it's that important. We're not that good-looking and our names are boring."
RE. KEEPING THINGS LOW-KEY...
Nigel reckons adopting this approach has helped keep the band going for so long...
"I've been a slight careerist in a way. Sometimes you have to say 'No' in order to be asked again six years later...
"It's still exciting when you hear your stuff on the radio, or see your name in print...
"I thought about this in '86, because we didn't do that slog towards any kind of fame. We'd hardly done any gigs and it was suddenly there. But I thought 'I'd still like to be doing this in 20 years time.'
"I don't want it to get on top of me too much because I've got a life outside it as well.
"I used to think 'How can we keep it going for 10 to 15 years?'
"I would love to win the Lottery - then I wouldn't have to do any gigs. I don't particularly like doing them, 'cos I'm not a natural performer. But if I did win the Lottery, I'd probably still do a couple a year...
"It all stems from when I was dead happy on the dole in the '80s. I was made up Thatcher was in charge because I didn't want to work. Most of my mates didn't want to work. I know that's a terrible thing to say. I stayed on the dole and went to the library. I just thought 'Whay can't people leave me alone?' Of course, with all the schemes and Re-starts, you can't do that anymore."
I ASK ABOUT A STORY - URBAN MYTH? - I'D HEARD ABOUT NIGEL WHILE HE WAS ON THE DOLE... THAT HE USED TO CYCLE TO CHESTER IN THE RUSH-HOUR IN ORDER TO HAVE THE PLEASURE OF SEEING ALL THE MISERABLE-LOOKING NINE TO FIVERS GOING INTO WORK... WHICH WOULD MAKE HIM APPRECIATE HIS OWN LIFE EVEN MORE.
"There was one specific Monday morning . . . I got on the train at 8.15am - the height of the rush-hour - at Birkenhead Central. I got off at Hooton and walked the Wirral Way. I thought to myself 'This is what it's all about.' It was fantastic. That's what I cling to. But I'm not afraid of hard, physical work. I'd be a great manual worker.
"I used to sit in school and would look at the bus stop over the road . . . old men would get on the bus and go wherever... I wanted that freedom."
TROUBLE OVER BRIDGWATER...
"I haven't even got a copy in the house and I haven't heard it for ages."
THIS, THOUGH, IS NOT NIGEL INDULGING IN FALSE MODESTY...
"I hate false modesty...
"The thing is we've lived with the songs for so long, because of the way we record - which is very tedious and we're going to stop now and do it a different way. I've had some of those songs for two and a half years. Normally, it's only three years down the line after an album's come out that I'm able to evaluate it properly.
"I really like This Leaden Pall at the moment, but at the time I didn't think about it like that. It was just a batch of songs that we had ready to record . . . there's never been a flow to any of our albums.
"But Neil the bass player really likes the new one and he still plays it. He says 'It's really good, you know' and I say 'You ******* weirdo!' But I really like the end of Third Track... the 'Frampton Comes Alive' stuff."
CD TITLE... WASN'T IT GOING TO BE CALLED WATTLE 'n' DAUB - THE ORIGINS OF HOUSE (WHICH APPEARS IN YOUR SLEEVE NOTES/STORY)?
"That was never going to be the title. But a few months ago the distribution company needed a title so they could give it a catalogue number - so we gave them that. But I was seriously thinking about calling it Merseyrail Stinks Of Shit. I think people outside Merseyside would still have understood."
A SHORT DISCUSSION ENSUED ABOUT HOW NIGEL WRITES HIS LYRICS/REMEMBERS OBSERVATIONS HE WANTS TO MAKE...
"I've got a book I use sometimes to write things down in, if it's wordy. But, normally, I'll try and see if I can remember it in the morning. My one talent I'll admit to is having a sponge-like memory. But most of my words are robbed anyway. And, if they're obscure, no-one will know anyway ..."
THIRD TRACK, MAIN CAMERA, FOUR MINUTES
WE SLAG OFF MATCH OF THE DAY'S PITIFUL GRAPHICS - "HOIST CAMERA, SLOPPY TOTTENHAM PLAY, 68 MINUTES" AND THE SKY SPORTS PLAYERCAM...
"But I do think they should put a camera in a golf ball for The Open. Imagine if someone had just been on an acid trip and they were watching that. It would send them over the edge - especially when the ball was sunk in the hole."
GUBBA LOOK-A-LIKES. WHY TONY?
"His blandness interests me. One of the things about Gubba is that when he's commentating he will say 'The little Latvian/Uruguayan', or whatever. He always refers to the player's nationality which means, the way the Premiership is, he's doing it all the time.
"Gerald Sinstadt? I think his voice has improved since his Granada TV days. But no-one will ever beat Barry Davies."
USED TO BE IN EVIL GAZEBO. THE NME INTERVIEW BIT...
"It's about some of the bands who have featured in NME's On section . . . especially a Campag Velocet interview from a while ago."
EMERGING FROM GORSE (THIS WRITER'S CURRENT FAVOURITE). THE SWIRLY BASS REMINDS ME OF ANOTHER BAND... SECTION 25 (BLACKPOOL-BASED FACTORY BAND OF THE EARLY 80s)?
"Neil came up with that. Any good music you hear is down to Neil. I'll give him the basis of a song, the structure... Neil's a big Joy Division/New Order head - and the Velvets and John Cale and Lou Reed's solo stuff."
IT'S CLICHED TO BE CYNICAL AT CHRISTMAS. A LOVELY TUNE, LOVELY SONG...
"It's just to wind a few people up. There are too many people who say 'It's terrible at Christmas. There's nothing on the telly.' There's LOADS on the telly. I think it's quite good because, even if it is false, people are nice to you and let on. And it's good having loads of food in as well."
THE CHOIR...
"They were from a local school in Leigh, near the studio. I felt a bit weird about it. It was like 'Make sure your mums and dads know about it.' I don't know why, it's not that there's any swearing in the song."
BOTTLENECK AT CAPEL CURIG
"Neil Morrissey? What else is there to say? He's one of the Nick Hornby generation - and, let's not forget, he appeared in Boon. The other one - Clunes - seems OK.
"There's an element of truth in Bottleneck - we did get stuck in traffic jams with my dad on childhood holidays."
TWENTY FOUR HOUR GARAGE PEOPLE... DOES RELATE TO A PARTICULAR GARAGE IN WIRRAL, BUT NIGEL SAYS...
"I think it's a true story for most people...
"I like Scotch eggs only as much as the next person. But what I remember is, when I smoked, going to get some ciggies when you'd run out at 1.30am."
THE SONG'S SENTIMENTS COULD ALSO RELATE TO SOME SUPERMARKET AND RAIL STATION EMPLOYEES...
"If they can't get on with the public, they shouldn't work with them."
NIGEL FINISHES THE CONVERSATION WITH A TOTALLY JUSTIFIED ATTACK ON THOSE SELFISH SODS WHO PARK THEIR CARS ON PAVEMENTS (AS IN "THE CAR THAT PARKED ON THE PAVEMENT NARKED PEDESTRIANS AND CHILDREN WITH CHALK. THEIR GAMES, THEIR SHAPES, THEIR CAPERS, THEIR JAPES DESTROYED BY A THOUGHTLESS SHITEHAWK" FROM HE WHO WOULD VALIUM TAKE).
"My biggest bug bear at the moment is people parking their cars on pavements so you can't walk past, let alone people with pushchairs or wheelchairs."
MOTORISTS, WE RECKON, REALLY OUGHT TO BE MORE CAREFUL... IT WOULD BE VERY EASY FOR A HEMMED-IN PEDESTRIAN TO ACCIDENTALLY WALK INTO A WING-MIRROR.
The End . . . of an extremely enjoyable 80 minute phone interview. Cheers, Nigel (and cheers Paddy).
Friend of mine (Tony) offered some insights into the recording of Back in the DHSS which you may find interesting.
"The first album Back in the DHSS is a classic example of very, very low cost recording. It was recorded at a rehearsal studio called Vulcan Studios which was situated on Waterloo RD in Liverpool.
I worked behind the counter at the studio at that time. (I am initially from Liverpool, I only live in London because southerners are too thick to use computers). I was sitting in the 'control room' (yeah right. like we were posh enough to have a control room) whilst parts of the album were recorded and mixed.
It was recorded using an knackered old PA mixing desk (can't remember the model). The multitrack was a 1/4 inch eight track (you really need 1/2" minimum), and the monitoring rig was absolutely awful, a cheap hi-fi amp driving a pair of HH 2x12 PA speakers. Microphones were largely low range Audio Technica, with a couple of battered Shure's thrown in for good measure. Dave Treble (amazingly his real name) actually did a remarkable job of engineering it with the tools at hand.
One of the many things I love about Back in the DHSS is just how clearly you can hear all the things that professional studios go to great lengths to avoid. 60Hz mains hum for one. You can clearly hear the drop-ins where bum notes etc were overdubbed. On God Gave Us Life you can hear the 'guide-vocal' that failed to properly erase because the tape heads were all out of wack.
I think that a lot of that album's charm would have been lost had it been recorded 'properly'. I really fancy listening to it now actually, but yes. it's stacked up back in Liverpool with all the rest of my LP's.Doh."
Also, in the TV guide of today's Metro (the freebie paper given away on the tube), we have:
Today's Choices
A Question of Sport, BBC1 7pm.
"Does anybody out there remember that fine Merseyside band Half Man Half Biscuit and their excellent ditty called Everybody Do The Len Ganley Stance? That's the song I'll be singing during this latest edition of the sports quiz because this week one of the guests is no other than the snooker man himself. Joining Len to test their knowledge of sporting trivia are cricket legend (and notorious big gob) Dickie Bird, tennis tyrant - sorry, umpire - Alan Mills and football referee David Elleray".
Ta to Andrew Gibbins for that.
Record Would Take the Biscuit
"Tranmere should record a single to mark their first ever appearance in a major Wembley final."
"And who better to produce the song than Half Man Half Biscuit?"
"The Wirral popsters are massive Tranmere fans. In fact, at the height of their fane in the 80s, the band refused to play on Channel Four's show The Tube because they didn't want to miss a Division Four match at Prenton Park."
"Having penned such classics as Dickie Davies Eyes and All I Want for Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit, it would seem they would be the ideal choice for a Wembley song should the club choose to record one."
"If they want to contact the band they don't need to look very far. Lead singer Nigel Blackwell reportedly lives within the shadow of the Prenton Park floodlights."
Thanks to John Anderson for that. As he says, it's unlikely to happen - a Q interview a few years asked Nigel why he'd never composed a tribute to his favourite team. "We don't do love songs." came the reply.
Click here to see what it's all about.