HMHB News Archive
January - June 1998
Any, the release date is scheduled to be Mon 22nd June, although it may possibly be a week later...but definitely no later, says Geoff.
More gigs are also in the offing...Nottingham Fair & Firkin on
25th May (Spring Bank Holiday), details of others when I get them (Manchester, Oxford revisted,
Huddersfield...who knows?).
The date for HMHB's appearance at the Meltdown festival at the Royal Festival Hall in London has now been fixed - it's Sunday 5th July, on the same bill as Damon Albarn and Graham Coxon from Blur playing with The Silver Apples.
There may also be a gig in Cheltenham in July...more info when confirmed.
See the Gig Guide for more info.
There is no plan to release a single at the moment. Nigel says he's written a new
song which is a bit more "commercial-sounding", whatever that may mean, so who
knows what might appear in the future...
I'm aware that the server has been a bit slow today, but the link is correct.
"Looking likely that crazy Ian of Magic Teapot Promotions here in Leicester is putting Biscuits on at a new venue called The Half Time Orange which is formally Burnmoor St WMC and is smack bang next to Filbert St. Can't remember date tho sorry. Crazy Ian is the very tall and scary Mackem bloke who co-put the Physio & Firkin gig on here (last year). The venue holds 500 so no problem of a sell out here (is there?) (The Physio gig was a sell-out, John! - Gez). The other bloke who put the gig on at Physio was Stuart who you got accosted by at Crewe and is referred to as the bloke who was crying in the review on your website.
Support for the Half Time Orange gig is likely to be Novak and Ludd Gang (a Fall covers band comprising members of Prolapse and Jon Simms amongst others) (who were pretty good when I saw 'em at The Hope & Anchor last month - Gez).
Will let you know of Half Time Orange date and additional details when I know."
I spotted the ever amusing Chumbawamba (briefly) talking about HMHB during an online chat session
at the BBC (29 Jan 98); it's
here
if anyone's interested.
A fax from Probe Plus also informs us that there are no further delays yet for the upcoming
single/LP releases...indeed, the Biccies were in the studio on Monday and Tuesday recording tracks
(so far untitled) for the new LP. Geoff says they've got about eleven tracks recorded now.
Another gig in the pipeline - at the Royal Festival Hall in London, as part of the "Meltdown" series of gigs in June. Again, no further details at the moment.
Finally, don't forget tomorrow night's gig at The Limelight in Crewe.
There's no support, but the venue reckons the band will be off at 11pm, so it'll be a 9.40pm -ish start.
See you there!
"Channel 4, Horseferry Road, London. Within spitting distance of the House of Commons, this big glass monstrous carbuncle hides a small studio in it's basement where a low budget sport discussion show is made.
Arriving at 9 bells, I was greeted by the 'runner' kid, who's job appeared to entail 'running' and 'getting' and 'preparing' the small, but adequate Green Room. After cracking some 'hilarious' jokes about antics in the Green Room, me and my colleague Hill (who may be doing a feature about the whole thing for Goal magazine) introduced ourselves to the man Binns and the bouncer Kelly. After convincing them both we weren't just a couple of 'die-hard fans on the blag' we became party to the pair of them repeatedly telling us how 'fantastic' and 'amazing' it was to have the Biscuits on the show. The Producer, Caroline Smythe, appeared and did the same and some other kid kept asking us the bands names and 'how do you spell Blackwell?' The one mistake they all made was presuming the band were 'out getting legless' before turning up at the studio. The band were in fact at their lavish hotel, trying in vain to stop Geoff verbally abusing the manager over use of the mini-bar.
So, whilst ignoring the free C4 beer in favour of Gods wonderful Tea, I was relieved to see the team appear. It then became clear to the UTM staff that the six crates of Budweiser were wasted on everyone except Gareth Jones and Hill, with Tea being the most popular beverage. So it's 11PM, the show's an hour away and there's rehearsals, token interviews for Goal magazine, flesh-pressing and free food to take care of. It's here, when they have a break from their busy showbiz schedule, that Binns and Kelly show their true colours as a couple of decent blokes. Binns is a very, very funny man, who admitted that the Biscuits had inspired him to take up comedy. Kelly is very professional, very knowledgeable and much bigger in real life than he appears to be on the box. Honestly speaking, you would think twice about calling him to his face rather than over the telephone.
With the preamble out of the way, the show kicks off with All I Want For Christmas... (Kelly's idea) after which there's another lengthy wait for everyone while the less important stop-gaps like telephone calls are taken prior to Friday Night And The Gates Are Low. It's around 40 minutes in when the band are summoned around the corner into the studio and as you'd expect, we accompany them. It's at this point that the Andy Cole/Sodomy call is taken, and for those watching on video, the solitary fog-horn laugh heard in the studio afterwards is Hill, who by this time had drank one too many Budweisers.
Then it happens. Half Man Half Biscuit appear on TV. Studio sound is nothing more than a couple of monitors, so myself and Geoff trot to the Green Room to 'check sound' and then go back to the studio. It's here that I notice that the Biscuits should have their own show. All too often we see shitehawk bands appear on television and insist on addressing the camera like they're in some kind of pop video. This is wrong. So it's a pleasure to see the boys pay no attention to the camera whatsoever. Nigel just stares at the bottom of the microphone, Neil looks around the studio, Ken smirks and Carl's too busy clobbering a drumkit. Fantastic. And throughout it all, only the C.A.M.E.R.A. Man (har har) moves with everyone else, including Binns and Kelly, content to watch in genuine awe and tap autocue screens.
The Top Ten came as a complete surprise to us all, despite glaring omissions (My Baby Got The Yipps for instance) but Geoff was well pleased because it used scans of album covers (all publicity and all that.) Paintball's Coming Home came next, bringing laughter from the entire studio, and then we all congregated once more in the Green Room to watch my copy of The Rough Guide To European Football make it's TV debut advertising the band. Nigel also appeared.
There was no aftershow party as such, just in depth comversations with Binns about "Light Lunch", living on a canal boat next door to Rosie and Jim and appearing on the "Friday Night Armistice". Kelly was more concerned about world cup songs, the horrors of the press and music business and the advent of his Football Website. Oh, and he likes a drink does Kelly.
A triumph in many ways, a surprise for the staff of Channel 4 in others. Personally, I think the 'sport related songs' request by C4 was shit because it denied us the chance to hear Secret Gig on national television. They also neglected to give out the address of the website or a gig-guide despite my requests. A World Cup Song is very unlikely and rightly so. Nigel commented that any such song would have to be a desolate affair that shouldn't say things like 'this time...' or 'dreaming...' much to the agreement of many. After all, do any of us honestly believe that England will win the thing? Of course not.
Next for the Biscuits - a headline Top of the Pops appearance and a slot on Trevor Wards show on Granada Television. See you at Crewe if you're there.
That is quite possibly the longest piece of mail I've ever sent..."
Andy Martin adds further:
"It wasn't just Whistle Test either, Nigel said they did a Tyne Tees show, but nobody's ever seen it, there was something else as well, I think it was with Granada, and Richard Madeley was being a knobhead.
They've also had mentions in Byker Grove and Grange Hill (writer's a fan) and apparently Martin Platt referred to them in Coronation Street a couple of years back."
Fame, eh?
HMHB opened the show with a brief spurt of "All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit". A bit later, Kelly presented his Top 10, going for that really original Fluff Freeman approach (yawn). And seemed to reckon that Hedley Verity was a West Indian fast bowler....no, yer thinking of Vanburn Holder there, Mr. Spurs fan. Read the web page next time...
Anyway, "All I Want For Xmas.." was No.3, No.2 was "Friday Nights And The Gates Are Low", which HMHB then played (with Nigel's guitar NOT plugged in...), and No.1 was "Paintball's Coming Home", which was aired a bit later (Nigel playing Ken's guitar). The fact that the song has nothing to do with sport (apart from the title) didn't seem to matter...
Kelly pointed out that in some Guide to European Football, Dukla Prague acknowledge that their better known for their HMHB song appearance than for their footy. That's a surprise....
Finally, Nigel joined the rest of the guests for the final phone-in, and
regaled us all with tales of Tranmere's 0-0 draws and how Billy Bingham helped them
get into the Open at Royal Birkdale golf course in 1984 (or something like that).
"In another startlingly fortunate piece of publicity, I've managed to persuade C4 to mention the Biscuits on the 'What's on 4' screens adorning various train stations around the country.
It stemmed from seeing the one in Manchester Piccadilly and phoning C4 to suggest a mention.
I know there's screens in Manchester, Kings Cross and Waterloo, but don't know if there's more. Regardless of this, the three mentioned should, from tomorrow, read 'Under The Moon, featuring Half Man Half Biscuit' as part of the listings and informing all those weary travellers that there is hope."
The world is reminded that HMHB appear this Wednesday on "Under The Moon" on Channel 4; programme starts at midnight. Don't forget!
They also agreed that "Dead Men Don't Need Season Tickets" or "Even Men With Steel Hearts" should be the World Cup '98 song after Andy had suggested it, although Danny Kelly said he preferred "Running Order Squabble Fest"...
Geoff says that Nigel saw the programme and was pleased. He even likes the show. But, to quote Gareth, he's still being his awkward self and not really thinking about actually going on the show for the live TV debut (note the wording!)...however, Geoff's going to phone Channel 4 to see what's going on, and there might be a plug for the page somewhere along the line.
In the meantime, go to the "Under The Moon" forum on the
Channel 4 web site, where you can add your own plug for the Biscuits!
Another gig: Friday 20th February, in Crewe. See the Gig Guide for more details.
A gig! Saturday 14th March, at The Valley, Redditch Utd FC. More details as I get them.