Just one thought hung over from the two gigs in Wales earlier in the year... In the past when playing Cardiff, the band have covered Help Me Rhond(d)a. Not on this occasion. Ah well. There's always next time.
And so, on to Ulverston, for a show which had originally been set for 17 April 2020. Of course that was when the country was otherwise engaged, with stuff being cancelled left, right and centre: victims of the virus
Bringing things up to date, apologies to Karl for missing out on the show in Halifax by his other band, The Band-Its. They don't often hit our side of The Pennines, but we had to give it a miss. We were also sore about missing Nervous Twitch, who were on the bill with them. But we were able to see the always excellent Indignation Meeting at Wharf Chambers in Leeds playing a selection from their two CDs. So our gigging schedule is just about hobbling along...
We are, as has been noted by Brian, a broad church. I'm never totally sure what bands appeal to other Biscuiteers. For me, The Nightingales have always hit the spot. For decades now. I was glad to be able to pick up their new album, The Awful Truth including their song Joyce. No reference to an ode. But the awful truth was that they had to cancel their tour in May. Illness in the camp.
Vive Le Rock carried an ad for HMHB gigs in Issue 121. It listed Ulverston, Glasgow (Friday 19 September), Wolverhampton (Friday 7 November) and Manchester (Friday 30 January 2026). There was no mention of Castleton (Friday 25 July), perhaps with it being sold out early on. And it seems that Viz is now a source of information for these shows. They were the first to mention a show in London (Friday 17 April 2026). Chris seemed a bit wary when he put it on his site, so I suppose we'll have to wait for confirmation of that one.
Friday 25 April saw the announcement of a new album. All Asimov And No Fresh Air is not due in the shops until the middle of June. Schoon's note on Chris's site detailed the length of time between albums. Thirty-seven months since the release of The Voltarol Years? That's starvation rations. With four weeks still to go, there was an air of expectation tonight. How many tracks from the new release would we be hearing? And would we all have to become experts on Isaac Asimov? He wrote or edited over five hundred books. Hence the reference to "no fresh air"? I wonder how many mates he had.... There was perhaps an outside chance of some under-the-counter copies of the new album at Miles's stall. No such luck. Gideon Coe must have it in his possession. On the Monday before the gig we heard him play The Bliss Of The Hereafter. Starvation is over. The song contains the line "Whitbread, Big Head, Trophy Bitter. The pint that thinks it's a quart." Indeed. Takes me back. Whitbread was very common round these parts, but I always found it was never a patch on Tetley's. But that was in the days before independent breweries became more common. Dave and Barbara's blackboard. That kind of thing.
A couple of days later Gideon played McCalliog And His Hens, another teaser from the album. A song for amateur detectives everywhere. "Who put away the madman who'd been re-arranging gnomes?" I wonder if McCalliog is Jim McCalliog? Signed for Leeds United in 1963, but Billy Bremner was king of the midfield in that place at that time. So McCalliog ended up at Sheffield Wednesday (scored for them in the 1966 FA Cup final), and got one of the Scotland goals when they beat England at Wembley in 1967. And in 1976, in another FA Cup final appearance, he produced a fine through ball to Bobby Stokes, who scored the winning goal for Southampton. But of course, it's quite possible that the band was thinking of a different McCalliog when the song was written.
And then Horror Clowns Are Dickheads also emerged on the You Tube channel. At this rate, the whole album will be in the public domain before its release date.
As an aside, Karen introduced me to a song called Half Man Half Biscuit Tinnitus by Half Bam Half Whisky. A fine tribute. If that's what it is.
That word again! John Shuttleworth's latest book points out that James Martin has the ability to simultaneously chop vegetables and interview a guest "with aplomb".
With reference to the line in Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride... according to the BBC site a couple of weeks before this gig "A woman from Surrey has become the oldest person in the world, at the age of 115 years and 253 days. Ethel Caterham, who lives at a care home in Lightwater, reached the milestone following the death of a Brazillian nun. Ms Caterham was born on 21 August 1909 and is the last surviving subject of Edward VII. Celebrating her 115th birthday in August 2024, she said she "didn't know why there was all the fuss". She explained the secret to her longevity was "never arguing with anyone, I listen and I do what I like". Not quite word for word as it appears in the HMHB song, but it's along those lines.
You may have noticed we have a new pope. And he has spoken about concrete measures at the Vatican, including the installation of solar panels and the adoption of electric vehicles. - but I couldn't find anything to suggest whether or not he had heard of Slipknot. Maybe. Maybe not. He could be getting a visitor soon enough. Let's hope their meeting is televised and that they all stick to the script from Vatican Broadside.
We travel to these gigs (usually) by train or (sometimes) by road. Reading about Niall's traumas where there is an additional layer, crossing the Irish sea, one way or another, makes us realise how easy we've got it. With having to hit so many deadlines with a number of connections, Niall's absence tonight was understandable. Our venture towards Ulverston was not helped by my dawdling and missing the bus which would have formed the first leg of our journey. Bad start but things could only get better from there. We stopped in Leeds the night before, taking in some top grub at Pie Minister. This meant we could get an early (by our standards) train out of the city. We spent the evening watching a Eurovision Song Contest semi-final. Lord, deliver us from evil.
Our morning train out of Leeds called at Shipley, Bingley, Keighley, Skipton, Gargrave, Hellifield, Giggleswick, Clapham, Bentham, Wennington and Carnforth. We changed trains at Carnforth. Andrew was on board that one, being the first Biscuiteer of the day we met.
And so to Ulverston. Everybody knows that Stan Laurel was born there. And if you don't, then you need to visit the town, as his presence looms large. Further investigation of famous folk from the town led us to discovering that Norman Gifford was from there, and Christine McVie was originally from just up the road.
Karen, Andrew and I met with Phill at the Home And Finance café. That's an unusual set-up. Downstairs is a café. Upstairs is a mortgage and finance office. Get coffee and cake and sort out your house insurance all under one roof. Further Biscuiteers were checked off the register when we saw John and Elizabeth walking past. Phill had travelled to Ulverston the day before and had been to see Thunderbolts at the local picture house, The Roxy.
It was a fair walk to the Premier Inn. Indeed, it felt good to drop our bags off before we headed back into town for the gig. We saw Peter in the check-in queue at the hotel, along with Huddersfield Graham and Sarah. John of JD Meatyard was loading his gear ready for the gig. It was grand to see Tony again, after missing a couple of shows following a hip operation. He now proudly shares a pic of his hip with thirty-seven staples in it to all and sundry. Lovely! Just what you want to see when you are having your tea.
In town we bumped into Gilly and Daisy, before going to The Chippy Bank (est 1978) for a spot of tea. Afterwards, while tucking into ice cream from the Lake District Prom, we met various folk. Mike and Joanne with their spaniels (unfortunately the dogs didn't go to the gig). Chris, Postman Tony, and John with an Asimov ID badge now completing his outfit all said hello. I was impressed by the flower shop name, Floral And Hardy.
There was an international presence tonight. We didn't get to meet Marcel from Switzerland. But Thorsten came to say Hello, with his partner Corinna (from Germany). They ran Marcel close in the Distance Travelled stakes. Sadly, Lorna could not make it from New Hampshire. She would have been the clear winner.
We ended up sitting round a table in The Sun Inn. We were joined by Alison, before Lou said hello and Gilly arrived with Daisy. Lou had been to see Bruce Springsteen on the Wednesday of this week, and then to a gig by Bruce's drummer and his band on the Thursday. So HMHB in Ulverston completed the hat-trick.
After the pub, it was time to head to the gig. John and Kim said Hello as we got near to the venue. There was a bit of a crowd outside. Alex and Lynne, and Sue were there. We spotted Nigel and Denise skulking past with (possibly) fish and chips. Neil followed a couple of minutes later, with what could have been the same. Was it Captain Beefheart where band members were starved until they had come up with some creative output? Maybe the same rules apply to Carl and Karl, and they were locked inside the dressing room?
In the venue, they had a Heat Map, indicating the areas where the audience had travelled from. I didn't study it for long, but it was no surprise to see a heavy concentration from both sides of the Pennines. Down at the front, Steve turned up, there was Doctor Desperate, Postman Tony and Al. It was also good to see Michael from Indignation Meeting. And Howie and Exxo both came over for a chat in the interval between the bands.
JD Meatyard were on stage at near enough eight o'clock. He was accompanied on this occasion by an electric guitarist, and we recognised his drummer as Johan, aka The Weak and The Strong. There was a curtain at the front of the stage which came down the second they finished their set. So I was unable to obtain a list of their songs. I only recognised two of them - Standing On The Shoulders and Blow It Out Your Arse. You know what you are going to get with JD. Angry and passionate. That's him.
When the curtain came back up, HMHB were already set up and on stage. The "walk-on" music was Forty Miles Of Bad Road by Duane Eddy. Nigel and Neil were both in plain tops, Carl was wearing his Palestine football shirt, and Karl was in a t-shirt detailing The Pub, China Street, Lancaster.
A note early on in the show, from Renfield's Afoot... "Booking is essential. You can't just turn up on the night. And bring a flask, as the café won't be open at that time". "Anyone in from Basildon?" asked Nigel. Neil called for more sound in his monitor, and later on Nigel seemed to also be having trouble with his. The first celebrity spot of the evening was "Julia Bradbury, ladies and gentlemen."
You would guess that this venue was on old cinema or theatre, with seats rising in the balcony at the back of the hall. "I can see right through to outside," observed Nigel. "There's a story attached to this one," he announced, ahead of All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit.
Barrow was mentioned, and Nigel said that the town has a lot in common with Birkenhead. They both start with a B, Ollie Banks played for both Barrow and Tranmere, a long history of shipbuilding, and they both probably have a heroin quarter.
Nigel was asked what route the band had taken to the gig. M56, M53 and M6 was the answer. "There was a hold-up, but we'll probably go back the same way. If you come to the next gig, I'll let you know if we did". He also made it clear that "Monty Don is the best dressed man on TV." At one point Nigel walked off stage, and was searching around, but when he returned he said "something and nothing."
I turned round to gauge the crowd singing along to Look Dad No Tunes, and saw Liam, one of the Half Man Half Bikekit chaps. "Orla Guerin, ladies and gentlemen," was another spotting by Nigel. "I told you to lock it!". "This is for anyone affected by the Deep House Mini Bus Appeal," he announced ahead of that particular song.
Tony asked if Nigel had a bet on who would be appointed the new pope. He replied "Peter Scudamore".
Nigel came out for the encore with the caravan guitar. Thanks to Phill for identifying tonight's cover version. I had heard the song at some point in the past, but couldn't name it or the band that played it. It all got cleared up in the end. Freak Scene by Dinosaur Jr.
As the curtains closed, we heard Laurel And Hardy's classic On The Trail Of The Lonesome Pine over the PA. On our way out after the show, I spoke with Andy about the demise of the direct Aberdeen to Penzance train. He had travelled that journey a couple of weeks previously. As good a way as any to spend half a day, it would seem. But not for much longer. Also always good to catch up with Graham Le Taxi, and the same with Julie outside. After that, Karen, Tony, Andrew, Phill and I legged it back to the Premier Inn for beers. Except that the bar had closed. A cup of tea and a bag of Maltesers from the vending machine was not much of a substitute.
The songs played this evening were absolutely in line with Karl's set list, even the new one was listed as "Clowns"...
She's In BroadstairsAnd in the encore...
Ninety-Nine Per Cent Of Gargoyles Look Like Bob ToddBig ups to the venue for the free water available at the bar. Most welcome on a clammy night.
On the Saturday morning we saw Huddersfield Graham. He was making plans to see Crapsons at various points over the summer. If all goes well, we would hope to join him somewhere along the way. We got a taxi back to the station, driven by a most pleasant chap who made haste, meaning that we got an earlier train than originally planned. And when home, Karen was straight on with booking tickets for the London gig next year. You've got to plan ahead with these things.
"Have a good weekend, weatherwise or otherwise," was Nigel's usual sign-off at the end of the evening. We certainly did, and we were already counting down the days to the gig at The Devil's Arse.